The Fiasco With Isabelle Lightwood's Brilliant Idea
by ihartdiamonds
Summary: "There's Brother Zachariah, months January through December of the hot Silent Brothers calendar." "Oh, do they sell that?" Disclaimer: All credits go to Cassandra Clare.


I was just reminiscing about old times when it hit me.

Luke and Jocelyn's wedding. Brother Zachariah. What me and Alec had said.

"There's Brother Zachariah," I had remarked. "Months January through December of the Hot Silent Brothers calendar."

Alec had turned to me, interested. "Hot Silent Brothers calendar? Do they sell that?"

I had never forgotten that. Not just because my brother had finally accepted his sexuality, and I was proud of him for that, but also it had been a brilliant idea!

A few years had passed since then, and Brother Zachariah (sorry, Jem Carstairs) had aged at a normal rate during those years, but he was still hot.

So I rushed off to tell Alec.

When I was finished, he grinned at me.

"Did you really remember all that? Wow."

I nodded, slightly more enthusiastically than was normal. "Yup. And now I actually want to follow through with it."

He twisted his mouth, thinking. "Well, are you sure he'll agree to it?"

"I'm sure he will, and we can pay him if we have to."

"You mean I'll have to pay him."

"Of course, since you don't spend all your money on clothes!"

He scowled, looking self consciously at his shirt.

"This isn't that bad..." He trailed off.

"Anyway," I interupted. "Tessa might not be too happy about it, so we'll have to get her out of the way."

"Magnus could do that."

"And then we could, like, set something up at the Institute, and then we could ask for him to come there, say Jace wants to ask him something..."

"And then get him to pose for us!" I wouldn't have been surprised if Alec had bounced in his seat and clapped his hands, squealing like an excited toddler. "Good plan! Much better than following him around taking pictures."

"Who said anything about following him around taking pictures?"

Clary was in on the plan immediately. Magnus, surprisingly, took a little longer.

"Um... This is... Awkward..."

"How?"

"I've known Jem and Tessa for years. It would be like betraying them. Especially Tessa. If she found out I was distracting her just so my boyfriend and his sister could take pictures of her boyfriend draped over a chair wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts... It would seriously poison our friendship."

Alec blushed, and I could feel my face heating up too.

"He can keep his bloody clothes on!" Alec snapped.

"If he wants to..." I added under my breath.

Magnus sighed. "Fine. But keep this calendar G-rated please. I don't want pornographic images of one of my friends hanging around in my house."

"They won't be pornographic!" Alec protested. "And this coming from someone who keeps handcuffs in the guest bedroom FOR DECORATION!"

"I needed something to hold the curtains back!" Magnus argued, but he was already laughing. "Come here."

He put his arm around my brother and I looked away, whispering "but my calendar won't be hanging around in your house..."

"What are you sending him?" I demanded, peering over Clary's shoulder.

"I said 'can you come to the Institute please Jem? Asap? It's about Jace.'"

"Good." I stopped pestering her and instead looked around the makeshift photo booth Alec was in the process of setting up. We had a sheet hung up as a backdrop, a Canon camera balanced on a tripod, and some props. In order to keep it G-rated, we had a giant teddy bear, a crappy plastic chair and a masquerade mask. Alec stepped back to admire his work.

"It looks great," I said. I would've probably said more, but then Clary's phone chimed and she emitted an excited and nervous squeal.

"He just replied!"

"Read it out!" I cried, me and Alec rushing over to her.

"'Ok. I'll be there in 5.'"

Alec's phone chimed a few seconds later.

"It's Magnus. He's got Tessa out of the way for at least a few more hours. Plenty of time."

As he'd promised, Brother Zachariah - sorry, Jem Carstairs - turned up 5 minutes later.

"Is everything ok?" He asked. "Where's Jace?"

Clary giggled nervously.

"Jace isn't here," I answered, stepping forward. "We wanted you for something different."

I explained my idea, adding "We'll pay you handsomely" onto the end.

Jem scrunched his face up, deep in thought.

"Alright," he finally decided. We all let out our breaths.

"By the way, I'm flattered and a little creeped out that you find me so attractive," he said as I lead him to the room where our photo booth was set up.

"Just thought you should know, this is a really crap chair."

"We know!" I said. "Just pose!"

Jem balanced his ankle across his other knee and raised his eyebrows. Alec snapped the picture.

"Oh, I think I'll use the teddy bear now!"

Jem abandoned the chair and grabbed the bear, cuddling it as Alec snapped photos.

Jem seemed to particularly enjoy using the masquerade mask.

"This brings back good memories," he murmured, holding the mask over his eyes and dazzling us with a devilish grin.

"Perfect!" Alec said.

There was a squeal from behind us. I turned to see Clary - who had been giggling on and off this whole time - clamp one hand over her mouth, face turning red.

"I'm sorry, I've go to, um..."

Without another sound, she turned and left.

Me and Alec shared a glance. He just shrugged, looking amused, and we turned back to Jem, who was holding the masquerade mask over the teddy bear's eyes.

Clary still hadn't returned several hours later, when we finished and released Jem.

"Thanks, guys," he said as he was leaving. "This brought back old memories. It's exactly the kind of thing Will would've done."

With that he turned and left.

Jem had only mentioned Will Herondale a few times. Will had been his parabatai, and had died over a century ago.

I looked at Alec, and could tell he was thinking the same thing, and hoping it never happened to him and Jace.

Three days later:

"Isabelle?" Simon yelled. I was sitting in the weapons room, running a critical eye over the demon death machines, when he stormed in.

"What is this?" He demanded, holding up a thin stack of paper.

"Oh, that, I was gonna tell you..."

Simon raised his eyebrows. "How in the angel's name did you think you could explain this? You have a Hot Silent Brothers calendar?"

I gulped.

"You should've ordered me a copy!"


End file.
